Hi again cutie! Learnings is where I attempt to make sense of what I am doing, seeing, practicing throughout the month (among other verbs). It’s a place for all the ways I’m learning even when I don’t call it that.
June was three months long and you can’t convince me otherwise. Many lives were lived. Even more places were visited — New Orleans, Flagstaff, Los Angeles, and now, small town Illinois. Some moments embodied “no thoughts, just vibes” while others tested me to the limits of my resilience. A full month!
June started in New Orleans for a conference and coincidentally New Orleans Pride. Fun fact: half of my family is from south Louisiana. The bayou is a specific flavor of home for me; and returning as an adult to witness just how held I can feel there was particularly special. New Orleans is such a singular place, it feels like traveling to another country. If you haven’t been, go. And go to this restaurant alone, sit at the chef’s counter, get giddy over how good it is and how hot you feel.
NOTICING
A fellow Virgo and I recently realized that historically one of our go-to processing strategies is to get to a place of “I actually feel bad for them.” I’m noticing how completely savage it is to end up at pity. How it can be a way to distance myself from the humanity of the other person. Sympathy is a tool for disconnection.
It’s also about power. When I feel bad for someone, it is harder for them to hurt me. This had me pondering the tools people socialized as women have been taught to wield. What are the ways of being that allowed me to survive when I had a different concept of success?
Sympathy functions best in a world with winners and losers, with in groups and out groups. It doesn’t move me into the action of repair or support, it keeps me still. When I see myself as you, as experiencing what you’re experiencing, it is impossible to separate myself enough to feel sympathy. I want to practice living into the not separate. The connected, intertwined, messy humanness of sharing time and space.
OBSESSING
Do you ever look back on your texts and realize you say the same phrases all the time? Oh… just me? Recently that’s been “I’m obsessed!!!” or just “Obsessed” (complimentary).
An incomplete list of what evoked that reaction in June:
People are still wearing Toms
Hand tattoos, generally
Sitting in the backseat of someone driving stick shift
The girl, so confusing version with lorde (this song single-handedly birthed a whole new era of girls girls)
Actually, all of brat and everyone who is having a brat summer cc: my friend Robert’s lime green mani
Late night tea houses (see: Tea at Shiloh)
Saying “I’m so brave” about mundane everyday things ex. getting out of the house
Bangs, specifically
The Gayest Thing anthology by Nic Marna and every single author who contributed
Theme parties!!! Why isn’t every party themed?
This ring by Mad General
Rediscovering the unbeatable crunch of lightly salted rice cakes
Summer light stretching long into the evening
REFLECTING
I’m turning thirty in 8 weeks and actively putting down the instinct to transform or remake myself before the milestone. Instead, I’m trying to stay fiercely dedicated to my creative goals. Shifting the focus from constantly picking apart who I am (which can feel abstract and send me spiraling), I’m focusing on how I spend my time. I’m remembering that in many ways, the person I want to be is directly shaped by the way I spend my time. Simple in theory, harder in practice.
In other reflections, there’s a popular song out right now that I felt personally victimized by due to certain life circumstances. As an ~exercise~ I rewrote the lyrics from my POV. Now, every time I hear this song I brain-sing my own lyrics (excerpt below). My sister says we all have our own kind of [silly] — she used a different word. However, I highly recommend doing this. It is fun and weirdly healing. And okay yes, perhaps a little petty. But in a harmless and empowering way!
And when you think about me, all of those years ago
You’re standing face to face with you let me go!
Okay, now tell me what you’re noticing, obsessing over, and reflecting on! I simply must know.
Until next time, remember we are all learning.
Sympathy is a knife!!!!
I’m obsessed (lol) with reclaiming the lyrics! Release the full track!!!!
CARLY!!! So many electric moments here. I’m rereading and rereading and rereading