Learnings, November

baby self, Olivia Dean, soup

Learnings is where I attempt to make sense of what I am doing, seeing, practicing throughout the month (among other verbs). It’s a place for all the ways I’m learning even when I don’t call it that.

Greetings from the newborn bubble where time is slippery and sleep is fleeting. Sweet baby boy was born on November 2 and the past month has been one of the steepest learning curves of my life so far. It is fascinating what the anchors become during a time of massive change. For me it is back to the basics: laughing and making up songs with my sisters, writing (in short bursts, over multiple days), meditating, getting outside, a really good skin care routine. When people warned “everything is going to change,” I think I took it too literally. The pace and key has shifted, but the melody is the same. My sister put lemon on the apple slices the way our mom used to. My partner chose “you are my sunshine” as our son’s lullaby, a song I performed in rodeos as a kid. My friend cheers for me in labor like she did when we were teammates. I’ve been singing long enough that my experiences have started to harmonize with each other.

NOTICING

When was the last time you thought about your baby self? I’m noticing the way so many of our human mannerisms are present from birth. The faces we make when we do a full body stretch, how low our jaws drop in a yawn, our need for closeness and cuddles. I once did a meditation that asked me to hold my baby self and since then the term has become a joke with my partner. Now that we have a baby, it is easier to remember that everyone was a baby once. Sometimes when I’m talking to someone and they turn their head or lift their voice just so, I can glimpse what they were like as a child. My friend Madeline saves baby pictures as the contact photos for friends in her phone. There’s a softness in this, a reminder of our shared humanity. We’re all growing up together.

virgo sun, cancer moon, cap rising

LISTENING

Happy Spotify Wrapped to all who celebrate. I know, I know — AI, Big Data, late-stage capitalism. Can it still be fun for someone else to tell me about me? My top artist was Olivia Dean. The Art of Loving swayed me through late pregnancy and into the first weeks of motherhood. I played her album for the baby yesterday and was reminded that it has something for every mood.

• For a car ride confidence boost: So Easy (To Fall in Love)

• For a living room dance party: Man I Need

• For cooking dinner while reflecting on past selves: Lady Lady

• For when you think you can’t: Baby Steps

tic tac toes

READING

In the second week we were home I tore through Deep Cuts by Holly Brickley. It’s sort of like a bi-coastal American One Day by David Nicholls if you subtract the tragic ending and add heaps of obscure music knowledge. But like any book I love, it is hard to put into words why it struck me. It isn’t ever just the content, it’s the entire experience. Would my feelings about this book be different if I didn’t read it mostly in the middle of the night? I don’t know. Here’s what I do know: I adore books about art, artists, characters who love art, the creative process, and any other related search term. If that resonates, I highly recommend adding this to your winter reading list.

I started Hot Milk by Deborah Levy and I like it so far. It’s weird in a pleasing way but unfortunately for this seasonal mood reader, it’s a summer book. A coastal Spain setting with frequent descriptions of the heat just won’t cut it for this desert girl pretending to winter. I think I will pick it back up when the season shifts.

I’ve also been reading a lot of Pinterest poetry aka whatever the platform pushes to my homepage and not to be taken too seriously. Here’s one I saved and sent to a dear friend.

EATING

The amount of soups, stews, and broths I have consumed in the last month is staggering. If you have a friend who just had a baby, bring them food. Everyone says this and everyone is right. In such a tender time, my heart grew three sizes every time dinner arrived at the door. And because I love you, I’m sharing a few of my favorites. Wishing you an abundant soup season!

• Ginger-Scallion Chicken and Rice Soup (courtesy of my sister Lauren)

• Seaweed Soup (the perfect 3am snack)

• Best Dal Ever (courtesy of my sister Cecelia)

***Quick shoutout to my three sisters who all visited separately so I could have help for longer. You are absolute stars and I love you to the moon.

Someone gave me the newborn advice to do the things I love while they are hard. So, I’m showing up here even when it feels like I’m stringing nonsensical sentences together.

That’s all for now, happy full moon! Go stare at the sky. Send me all your favorite soups, novels that moved you, and pictures of your baby self. (Text me for pictures of my new baby!)

Oh, and if you forgot — it’s all learning.